my heart is an open palm, exposed and raw
In my land of bright lights you are effervescent -
Overwhelming at once, I am oblivious the next.
You are the palpable product of words I never meant,
Of clouded judgement, infinite dreams; my sweet Regret.
My conscience weighs you down and embeds you
Somewhere in the murky depths of this sepulchral soul.
Yet there is little want of redemption for what I do,
And you and your kind maketh the stories I never told.
Even now I would sing that I am yours, Yours!
As I believe you are mine in all your tainted forms.
Sucker as I am for your taste, touch and allure,
The beauty of folly is not weeping when all else mourns.
So this is an ode to my ill-fated penchant for
Secrets I have to keep, and everything that
I loved to hold but not to possess.
That I wish to forget, but forget to regret.
Monday, January 30, 2006
i am officially pudgy :( fine im not like significantly fat but enough to get me irked that i almost cried trying to find something decent to wear. UGHH. the love-hate relationship i have with my wardrobe. great now i really sound like a bimbo.
this year's cny was boring to say the least. not happening at all, no spirit. but the ang bao collections are waaaay better than the previous years. i guess i wont be going back to visit anytime soon :D i love my granny! (not because she gives me money)
i think i shall jes save up this money and add more until i feel i've got too much then i'll decided what to splurge on. OR i shall go wear brace :D:D:D i likeeeeeeee. one of my weird fetishes. alternatively i can jes shop la whatever. im so stressed out this year i feel like restraint when it comes to shopping is kinda torturous haha whatever.
mommy's still gambling at ah ma's house. i came back early and i shall try to study. niteys and happy cny everybodies!
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5:23 AM;
Monday, January 23, 2006
geisha obssession :)
i lovelovelovelove memoirs of a geisha! yani i dont care what you think i think it's a wonderful show for all its resplendence, poignance and beauty. i really think zhang ziyi's made phenomenal progress. and all the dancing's really graceful and quite entrancing. although i really dont see how men can get horny looking at the wrist of a woman. lol. ahhhh okay see the oriental thingy's getting to me again. i wanna visit japan and look at the geisha and shogun houses! :(:(
was at kino yesterday and i went crazy looking at all the books. i wanna read so many things in additon to the library of books i have at home. sheesh. and i was actually engrossed in the analysis of measure for measure and the merchant's tale LOL. what the hell is school doing to me?! OH YES and im gonna buy all the geisha books i can ever get my hands on. madame butterfly and geisha of gion. aunty su ling recommended them to me so yeah baby here i come.
ha ha now i know what true love is. my dog stinks quite badly but im still hugging him like he's a teddy bear <3<3<3 everybody loves Timmy, people. ha ha i should be a copy writer or something.
oasis and the strokes is addictive. after so much dishwalla i think its time for a change.
waiting for my fish soup now. where where where where la.
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4:21 AM;
Monday, January 16, 2006
burp really have been eating a lot.
i was supposed to come home and do some readings before i start on my history essay but since four pm to now i have been sleeping, eating, eating, eating, watching tv and now im here. and there's project runway later. lols what a great sense of timing i have.
anyhoos.
life goes on. and my entries are kinda retarded so i think my readers, if i even have any to begin with, are like rolling their eyes non-stop while they scan the (web)page. i guess the 'pearls of wisdom from my dewy lips' as quoted from mr sayers aren't really pearly eh.
everytime i wanna blog about something, i always end up forgetting to blog about it. and i talk about everything except what i wanted to say initially. damnit.
the aglio olio for dinner sucked. too oily in my opinion and oil = fats.
something random: i think the way i wash my contact lenses looks like how the people at tako pachi squeeze out the mayo on those balls. seriously (or see-rye-yous-ly as hao jin likes to pronounce it :P) i hold the saline bottle that way! and then i aim at my contact lenses like they were tako pachi balls and squeeze out the saline. HA HA ok this is getting too retarded. perhaps my prospects are broadening eh? :D
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4:13 AM;
Sunday, January 15, 2006
it's been a horridhorridhorrid day since the early afternoon. i think like right after hwei and cherlynn left church i started feeling crappy :( but i'm brightening up a liddle now ah sigh.
my uncle said that i put on weight SHITE LAAR. mr goh i need your pe soon.
lunch with all the air-stewardesses yesterday at orchard hotel. wasn't too good but passable i guess. the only thing i liked was the dim sum and i might as well have gone to hua ting if i wanted chinese food sheesh. oh anyways hwei and lynn wanna go to grand corpthorne or oscars for buffet :D:D:D ??? not this sunday okay because saturday i have grandma's birthday dinner which will be damn fattening. they all shove the food to me because i'm the youngest. shit la i wanna go to the line for buffet!! i'm turning into an aunty doris! speaking of her she was damn funny yesterday. leading stewardess but yet such a typical singaporean LOL. tak boleh tahan her laughter sometimes.
somehow i'm looking forward to school tomorrow. but i know i wont feel this way at 5 30 am. sometimes i wish i could understand myself better. while, en route to discovering myself, i shall continue gorging :)
toodles*
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6:12 AM;
Friday, January 13, 2006
common tests are in february, hallelujah.
common tests 2 after the june hols, amen.
prelims in september, shalom.
a levels in november, for the love of God, HELP!!!
as for my r paper, did better than expected. lol got like twice my promos score, so i'll take that as a sign not to drop math :)
history essay due on 23rd january, kudos to sayers.
ARGHHH and a whole pile of new imperialism readings were dumped to me jes yesterday. damnit i feel it coming now.
life in the fast lane sucks.
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5:25 AM;
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
got the chance to work those dormant muscles (if i even have them) of mine today. mr goh is one helluva funny pe teacher. pe's so much more bearable now despite the crazy 'let's run to terminal 2' shite we get from him lol.
i feel like a slacker. and i like this feeling but it has to end soon i know :( boohoohoo. the melancholy of school starting is still getting to me and i miss my wake-up-at-12pm-life i led during the hols. imaslothimaslothimaslothyslothhh.
this year, i made my resolution a little later. and i plan to stick to it this time. i'm taking each day as it comes and plans for the future shall be made only when necessary. i tend to think too much and worry perpetually. ms tham once said that i seem stressed out all the time and seriously, i've never thought of myself that way before. but it is good to know, and so i am determined to take things in my stride as of today.
yawnn. gotta lug my heavy guitar to school tomorrow. oh yesterday was spent bassing with Mr. Mole (HEHE) and he's funneh!! he was singing 'kiss me' by sixpence none the richer while we were practicing and he was seriously out of tune. BUT he's still a great musician. im excited about the bass! after the A's im conquering the drums and picking up my piano again!! I CANT WAIT.
after the A's, after the A's, after the A's, after the A's yadayadayadayadayada. why does it always have to be like this?
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7:45 AM;
Monday, January 09, 2006
shite i've been spending so much these few weeks and i'd better curb my spending soon. no actually, now. shopping with cherlynn and hwei today. it was supposed to be cny shopping for cherlynn but i ended up buying the most stuff. damnit that always seems to happen. reveals so much about me huh? bloody spendthrift i am. seriously i should jes STOP. it's coming to a point whereby i can't stand myself. hwei, cherlynn and myself have come to the conclusion that we're all a bunce of spoilt brats. actually more of hwei and me. cherlynn still has self-control. hurhur as for my hweehwee and me once we spot something we have to possess (did i spell it correctly) it. it's reallyreally horrible. and hwei was saying her phone's her very last luxury from now on and ha ha i kinda doubt that but let's hope that it really is. as for me today had better be the last shopping trip for like the rest of this month until the ang bao money starts rolling in >:)
but anyways, today was enjoyable because school ended at TEN :):):) hope the class had fun at ecp although it rained like cows and donkeys. gosh im tired, i admit defeat now and have to turn in no matter how much hw beckons. (speaks volume about my priorities too eh?)
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8:36 AM;
Thursday, January 05, 2006
i love my volcom cap!! <3<3<3 chosen by the person with the best taste on earth hurhur (not me lar, i ain't that thick-skinned).
and needless to say, i love my timmyyyyyyyyyyy.
heh i love orientation period, because j2s have absolutely nuthin to do whoopies. minghao says to crash o nite tmw but going all the way there jes to crash o nite is like, um sorry tiring to say the least? BUT I DO WANNA SEE MY KATTIEE.
dumdumdiddlydiddlydumdumdiddlydidddddddlyy.
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2:34 AM;
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
r paper was do-able, and now i'm officially free for about a week or so. i guess next wednesday shall mark the start of mug-o-mania. for tonight, i'm going to let loose. didn't go out the other night, so today HURHUR SHOPPING!!! >:D
yawn im sleepy. havent been sleeping well at all. i sleep better in the afternoon, must be all the napping.
i love john mayer :)) i think 'your body is a wonderland' is sucha cheekily sexy song.
heh, like 'your body is a wonderland, i'll use my hands' HURHUR sneaky ass.
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10:44 PM;
Monday, January 02, 2006
school is a-starting-tomorroooow. and i have an r paper beckoning on wednesday. nevertheless i am going out tonight just to enjoy my last day of freedom. sigh, priorities screw em all today.
despite all the stress, am actually looking forward to seeing my bombos :) although i still aint any fan of vjc, i don't really have a choice but to go back there. perhaps i will never really like vjc, but my darlings do make it a load better.
and i'm turning 18 this year, hurhur. don't know what that means, but it's supposed to mean something right? i wonder if all j2s feel this way. DO YALL?? with the looming stress ahead and almost ur whole future at stake with ONE examination. fang yi was telling me how thankful she is for each day after the a levels were over. whatever it is, i'm already counting the days till it's finito.
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12:32 AM;
Sunday, January 01, 2006
what can i say?
the start of 2006 for me has been SHIT. but whatever, shit happens. this year will not suck no matter what. damnit i feel like kicking something.
other than that, someone actually said i was hardworking today. so i hope this bodes well for my academic year.
(*&@!&^@!)@*!(@*!_@)!_)_$*$^#%#%%#^@&@*$(_#@_)!!?!@!@{
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5:56 AM;
